Let's Chat: A Level Results Day 2018

So I don't know about you, but I am absolutely bricking it for results day next Thursday...

All summer long, I feel as though I have been quite lucky as I have not let the idea of my results get to me. I must admit, I have given them very little thought and as a result, managed to avoid the dreadful sick feeling that I am experiencing now.

I am going to be honest with you, I came from a small high school. I am talking around 30 students in a year as being large! So when I moved to a Sixth Form where there would be over 100 students in the exam hall with me taking their exams, I ended up panicking when exams came around. Hard. As a people person who usually does not stress about exams, this was not like me at all. I had been given the option a few weeks previous by the exam team to tackle my exams in a smaller room, however I had denied that opportunity as at the time, I felt like I was ready to take on the challenge. But when the day of my first exam came around...instead of revising with everyone else in the library, you would have found me in one of the staff meeting rooms, sobbing, with no one there to comfort me except my ex boyfriend... yep, great idea Niamh.

But bless him, he really helped! He had us both hyped up and off we went to smash our first exam!! After that, each exam that came around was accompanied by a little stress and upset but nothing in comparison as that first day. So I took it as normal and the fact that this was unusual for me helped motivate me to challenge myself, carry on and not give up. In other words, prove to myself that I CAN do it!


I am certainly not making excuses for bad grades here, but it is unfortunate that I just know I have not performed as well as originally predicted for me. This would be due to a lot of emotional upset over the months leading up to and during my exams. Unfortunately there was a lot of upset within the family (details shall understandably remain private) and outside (like I mentioned, EX boyfriend) and so even though I tried to push everything to the back of my mind as these events were temporary and my grades will last me for life, more damage was done than I would originally have cared to admit.

I have decided that me being open with you guys must help and if not, please let me know. But I figured as a person who isn't normally phased by things such as exams and usually thrives under pressure, having gone through what I went through the last few months I just feel like I have to stress that you really can't say 'that won't happen to me.' Now I will eventually open up about reasons behind the following actions but for the purpose of keeping this post focused on my A Levels I will just jump in. From around April onward, my life was a huge downward spiral. Teachers noticed, friends noticed, family noticed even despite my efforts to keep everything neatly wrapped up in my head and troop on. I was incredibly grateful for everything I had, I am an extremely extremely lucky girl and so I struggle to not feel grateful. But, it just seemed like I was losing everything despite my efforts and as a result developed a 'What really is the point?' attitude. I revised HARD when I could, but that was difficult when you aren't fuelling your body properly and are so emotionally exhausted that you spend hours of your days in bed... One day, I realised that something had to change, because I cannot blame bad grades on anyone except myself and so I did seek help from my college and they were great. I decided to postpone my sadness, anger, you name it, I felt it ha ha and effectively grew a pair...

I worked EXTREMELY hard for the grades that I will receive on Thursday...
... given my situation and so I will be proud whatever the result... But I do know that before I open that envelope, I need to face reality and accept that I will not see AAA. Here, I am not shaming any grades that are lower than that, I am just saying it will be tough for me to see lower when I was expected to have achieved higher. Looking back, as much as I would love to blame the situation and everyone involved except myself, I have worked for the grades I have got and I know have done my best at the time. So why am I struggling to accept that I couldn't have done better? I haven't even seen my grades yet and I already think that I SHOULD have done BETTER?!

I feel like the pressure placed on your A Levels nowadays is insane. There are so many other options that are BETTER than uni, yet most of us (including myself) choose to go down the university --> degree ---> job route. It is only really now, a week before  have to make the decision, that I am truly exploring my options. I have applied to effectively do a degree in Child Psychology knowing full well that that will not be the career I end up in. As I turn 19 three days after starting uni, I will be one of the oldest in my year again and I graduate at almost 22 years old with no work experience and a degree that may not help me... great...




So why did you choose that Niamh? You ask.
Well, the thing is, I am incredibly impressionable and generate an extreme interest in every career. I'd love to be a midwife, a lawyer, a child psychologist, a writer, a fashion journalist, a hotel manager, own a kennels, own a campsite, own a tea room, own anything really... You see? My options are so vast that pinning it down to one, reputable degree is near impossible. I don't know what I want, so why wouldn't I go to uni?? Benefits include the experience of living away from home, with people my own age so I don't go stir crazy, I'll have the structure of going to school everyday and I will be constantly learning which I love. Ahh but the cons... is it a waste of time doing a degree that won't help? Are degrees even that useful anymore? 


WILL I EVEN GET INTO MY UNIVERSITY CHOICE? THAT IS THE QUESTION!!

It is all up in the air. One thing I do know for sure is that I want to write. One day I will be a published author, even if that isn't my full time job. I have been planning my novel ever since I was about ten and so that is definitely going to happen!!

Another thing I know for sure? It will all be OK. Even though I have just had a mental brain dump and thrown a load of perhaps unnecessary ranting at you to read and probably laugh at me for... I do know that it will all be OK in the end. 

Family?? They'll always love you.
Heartbreak?? You learn SO MUCH from this!!
Grades?? Not as big of a deal as you think. There are ALWAYS options.

If I get into my choice of university. Great. If I don't, that's fine too! I will be disappointed but I (like a lot of people) am a firm firm believer in that everything happens for a reason and hopefully you will follow me along whatever path I end up on. Believe me, despite my elaborate plans, I already know it'll never be the one I had imagined! Ha ha 

So if you are collecting your results on the 16th August like myself, try and chill out, there is nothing you can do now so why stress. And if things don't go the way you planned, someone has bigger things planned for you.




Huge huge huge good luck hugs from me and I'll see you soon!
❤❤❤
***DISCLAIMER*** 
Only the last image displayed is owned by myself

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